A lot of people think the white wedding dress symbolizes the bride’s purity. It was actually popularized by Queen Victoria, because in the 1800s, the color white was considered to symbolize wealth- washing white was difficult back then, so if a woman wore a white dress, that meant you’d never wear it again and had money to buy a dress to wear for one day. So, while the tradition isn’t sexist, it is elitist in origin. So wear whatever the hell you want! Not everyone thinks they look good in white, and sometimes really bomb dresses come in loads of other colors, so you shouldn’t be restrained to white- you shouldn’t even be restrained to a dress, so wear whatever you want! That being said, it’s obviously not the 1800s anymore, and you’re not dunking on the poors by wearing a white dress, so there’s no reason to feel bad for it- so if you love a good white gown, then own that sh*t!

Veils have been used in various cultures and religions for various reasons throughout history, and sometimes it’s your thing, and sometimes it’s not. Recently, a lot of brides have decided to forgo veils, simply because there’s no real personal cultural relevance, and because they’d rather show off their hair. I love a good veil, personally, just because I like playing around with them for photos, but many folks don’t have an attachment to the tradition, so they just let it go. If you still want a little accessory, or a more unique option try looking for unique hair accessories from small shops and etsy, look through Jane Rhyan Veils, and explore different styles from the usual hair-comb white tulle.

This was a tradition that took place with some peasants back in the day, but it was never really widely practiced by any culture or region until it was commercialized in the early 1900s by the diamond industry. Another note: diamonds are a dime a dozen- they aren’t worth anything! The diamond market is completely fabricated. Diamonds can (and should) be made in a lab instead of being mined, so they are no longer in limited supply or difficult to extract. So don’t get diamonds that are still mined out of the earth, they aren’t any better quality, and it’s worse for the environment and exploits workers in underdeveloped countries.

All that said- lots of people still do a ring exchange and wear their rings all the time, because the tradition itself has really solidified itself in weddings. If you’re looking for some alternatives or ways to make it a little more unique, here’s some ideas:

Get a ring that’s really unique- if you don’t like the typical band with a solitary diamond in a few geometrical shapes, there’s lots of options from small metals artists on Etsy and elsewhere to find one-of-a-kind rings with unique gemstones, interesting shapes, cool textures and settings, and just general creativity that expensive jewelers just don’t offer.

Use a different piece accessory- if rings aren’t your thing, you’ve got options. Lockets are a cute and timeless way to have a piece of jewelry that can hold something special (a picture, your vows, or something else small), you could opt for bracelets instead, earrings, hair accessories, bolo ties, cuff links, pins and brooches, or matching jackets! Don’t feel like you need to splurge on an expensive ring if that isn’t something that’s really special to you.

Get a tattoo- if you’re more into a permanent piece of body decor, a tattoo is a great option, especially if you’ve got a job where jewelry isn’t an option. I’ve known lots of couples that get tattoos either in place of or in addition to rings, and it’s so fun to watch the process or see the final product.

Most people I know, especially people who elope, don’t use the traditional “in sickness and in health” vows anymore. This is another tradition that came along in post-war America in the early 1900s, so there isn’t any real meaning to what these words say. It can be much more meaningful and fun to write your own vows- that is, if you’re able to make it through the ceremony without being reduced to a puddle of tears. Some folks aren’t down with the idea that marriage is a forever thing, either. I’ve witnessed pagan ceremonies where they declare vows that are more temporary, like a “as long as we both want it” type of thing, instead of “as long as we both shall live”. If you’re making a promise to your partner, you should make sure that it really matches how you both feel and what you really mean, so whether you’re writing it all out yourself, using an officiant, or going the more traditional route, just make sure the words match how ya feel!

This tradition goes back to the days when marriage was a business exchange between a father and another man, and women were property to be sold with a dowry. This tradition is really dated, and honestly I rarely see it play out in elopements. There’s a bunch of alternatives to this tradition, though, if you want to include your dad or other family member in your elopement. For example, you could have both of your parents walk you down the aisle (or whatever set up you have for your elopement ceremony), you could walk yourself, you and your boo could just walk together, or you could incorporate some new tradition involving one or both of your parents.

If your family will be in attendance of your elopement, but you don’t want to go with the traditional partnering of bride/dad and groom/mom trope, then here are some other options:

Don’t do family dances at all. It’s your day, and you can choose to just dance with your new spouse if you want, no one can stop you.

Dance with both parents- why leave mom or dad out for no reason? Include them all!

Dance with your new in-laws- if you’re close with your new in-laws, include them in your dance.

Do a sibling dance instead- if y’all are close, make it a fun dance with brothers and sisters instead!

This was also a tradition popularized by Queen Victoria. White sugar was really expensive back in the day, so to have an entire cake of it was really lush, and showed what extravagant wealth she possessed. Today, however, sugar is dirt cheap. So eat what you want! If you love cake, then cut a cake. There’s so many desserts out there, so don’t feel like you have to limit yourself. Getting married in Florida? Cut a key lime pie! Does your grandma make amazing baklava? Eat it up! Do whatever makes sense for you.