How to Elope

A guide to help you figure out wtf you’re doing.

So you’re thinking about eloping, huh?

The beautiful thing about elopements is that there’s no rules! Unlike traditional weddings, there’s no traditions to adhere to, general layout to replicate, no series of events to follow, and that’s really fun and amazing and opens up so many different possibilities for how you want to celebrate your day. But that kinda makes it hard to plan, because you’re starting from scratch. One way to avoid the stress of planning an elopement is to hire a planner (yeah, planners do elopements, too, not just big weddings!), and I have a bunch of recommendations of wonderful capable planners that will make your day stress free and give you all the best recommendations; however, maybe you don’t want the extra expense of a planner (understandable), or you just wanna DIY-ing this thing, so I’m gonna try to make that as easy as possible. I’m definitely not a planner, so I don’t have all the info and recommendations they would, but after years of photographing elopements, I’ve learned a thing or two and have shared it below.

 
 
 

Frequently Asked Questions About Eloping

Let’s start with the basics.

  • While there’s no hard and fast rule, for planning purposes, an elopement is around generally 15-20 people max Including photo, video, and officiant). This is because if there’s more people than that, a venue will need to be rented and the planning around the wedding will resemble more of a wedding- a micro-wedding, but still a full on wedding. The simplicity of planning an elopement will start to become more complex, and you won’t legally be allowed to elope in many public spaces with more people.

  • Yes! I’ve photographed lots of elopements that were just the bride and groom, but I’ve also been to a bunch where friends or family are involved- sometimes just at the beginning, sometimes just for dinner afterward, and sometimes they’re there with you the whole day. Elopements are really just about keeping what’s actually important to you close on your day, so if that includes family, bring them along. Just keep in mind that the more people that join, the less locations in nature will be a viable options for your party.

  • An elopement ceremony can look like a lot of things, and what exactly that is, is up to you. I’ve had couples play music, read vows, dance around, hike, sip on coffee together, pop champagne, read letters from family, do a unity ceremony, and even christen the marriage with a Stone Cold Steve Austin-esque beer crush- the options are really endless. I think it’s best to really think about what you want to do, what you want it to look like, what you feel is special or comfortable for you, and create a ceremony that reflects that.

  • My best advice is to think about what you want- do you want sweeping mountain views? Do you want real adventure? Do you want the beach? An Italian villa? The forest? What do you want your day to look like? Spend some time daydreaming and looking up inspiration. There are so many Pinterest ideas and blogs out there to pull inspiration from. Start big and then little down your options based on what’s realistic. After finding a list of dream destinations, think about things like budget, weather, the season you want to marry in, local holidays or other celebrations, what’s open and accessible, etc. You can always talk to me if you need help finding your dream location.

  • The laws vary from state to state. In Colorado, Wisconsin, and DC? No, you do not. Other states require an officiant. Some require an officiant and witnesses. Others have special qualifications for what your officiant needs to have. Look up the local laws wherever you’re marrying to see what the steps are for getting legally married. And remember, you can always get the legal stuff out of the way before or after the wedding day, you don’t have to be legally married during your ceremony if you’d prefer to just have a ceremony with the two of you. I am an ordained officiant in all 50 states, so wherever you want to marry, I can say a little blurb or even just say that I pronounce you married and that’s it!

  • Self-solemnization is marrying yourself without an officiant. Colorado is a self-solemnizing state, which is why it’s so popular for elopements. Wisconsin and DC also do self-solemnizing weddings. If you marry in a self-solemnizing state, you can even have your dog sign your marriage license!

  • There are so many options, and the only limits are really up to you. You can hike all day, take a helicopter ride, go off-roading to the top of a mountain, go rafting, get a drink at a bar, go wine tasting, go surfing, go fishing, sit by the fire, drink coffee, soak in hot springs- honestly anything you might want to do on a fun trip would be a good idea for an elopement! With weddings, a lot of the time during the day is spent waiting for everyone else- waiting for other people to get situated, waiting for the wedding party to go from one place to another for photos, waiting for things to be set up, waiting for others to give speeches, waiting for others to dance, waiting for vendors to show up, etc, etc. When it’s just you, you have time to spend the day to celebrate the way you’d really like.

Create Your Elopement Checklist

This is your day, so create realistic checklist of what will make your day feel perfect for you. It can feel daunting when you feel like you have a million things to do, so write down the really big things, and take everything step by step so your elopement will feel stress free. Your checklist will probably be more detailed or personalized than this, but here is a starting point for a few things that will probably make it onto your to-do list:

1. Pick a date

For a lot of elopements, the date is more flexible than traditional weddings, so this can be done before or after choosing a location. Keep in mind the time of year you choose will dictate which locations will be accessible, and what activities you can do to celebrate. For example, in Colorado, most mountain roads that aren’t paved close in the winter, so a lot of locations aren’t an option, but you can go skiing and dog sledding as an activity.

2. Choose a Location

As already stated, choosing a location can come before or after choosing a date. Maybe you already have a place in mind, or maybe the location has to depend on specific accommodations you’re looking for or activity you’re planning, so you plan your date around that instead.

3. Hire a photographer

Obviously, I’ve got a biased opinion, but I think hiring a photographer is the most important part of the elopement planning process. The photographer might be the only vendor you hire for the day, and your photos are the only thing you’re going to have after the day is over and it can really ruin the day or make it something special that you want to keep forever. Sometimes this step takes place before steps 1 or 2 because you need some help to plan! I love working with people who have more accessibility, because, obviously, I can schedule y’all around my schedule, or give some insight to the planning process. If you’ve already chosen a day, and there’s a photographer you really love, reach out as soon as you can, so they don’t get booked on the date you’re looking at!

4. Reach out to other vendors

I’m really flexible with when and where I’ll work- I’ll travel 4 hours and wake up at 3am to catch the sunrise on a hiking trail in the middle of nowhere just to take your picture, but unsurprisingly, not every vendor is like that! Elopements can sometimes be more difficult to find vendors for, because the logistics may be more complicated. Reach out to and do research on local florists, HMUAs, caterers, and anyone else to make sure there’s people with availability in their schedule in the area you’re looking at- some people will travel, but not everyone will! Some vendors don’t cater to smaller events like elopements (some florists, for example, have a minimum order and won’t just make just one bouquet), so finding whoever else will be involved early on is important so you’re not sh*t outta luck on things you had your heart set on. If you’re looking for recommendations, I’ve got a list of people I love working with that do such a good job at what they do.

5. Research local laws

If you want to legally get married at your elopement, you need to check with the state to attain a license, determine if you’ll need officiants or witnesses, if there’s a waiting period, or if the county you’re marrying in is issuing licenses.

You will also need to see if you need a special use permit to marry in the location you choose. Most national and state parks will require a permit to marry on the land- almost any outdoor space within a 2 hour drive of Denver requires a permit, as well as other rules related to Leave No Trace, which vary with every outdoor location, so make sure you’re informed!

6. Purchase/Rent attire

After figuring out the season and location, you can choose whatever attire will fit you best! If you’re hiking, be sure to pack hiking boots, if you’re marrying in the winter, be sure to pack warm leggings to wear under your dress, get something you can move in, something comfortable, and if you’re renting, something local is probably best.

7. Collect details you want to include

Don’t forget the little things- jewelry, veil, shoes, blankets, jackets, presents for one another, letters from family, matching mugs, your dog’s bowtie, whatever means the most to you.

8. Create a Plan B

Shit happens. Maybe the weather is a blizzard (Colorado has been known to dump snow in late May), maybe your flight is cancelled, sometimes weather turns on a dime and torrential downpour comes on a bluebird day. We can’t control everything, so come prepared, whether that means bringing mittens or umbrellas, or a back up location in case the one you’re hoping for doesn’t work out.

I’m happy to help come up with alternate locations and plans in case the worst happens. Sometimes that means going to your second favorite location instead, or planning for the following morning instead of that evening- I’ll always try to be as flexible as possible when things don’t work out like intended.

Where To Elope

Okay, now that we’ve covered the basics, where the heck are we going?!

This is probably your biggest question for eloping. Maybe you’ve already got a place in mind, but maybe not- or maybe you’ve just got a vague idea of what you’d like. Usually, I like to talk to couples on the phone to talk about what they’re really looking for scenery-wise, activity-wise, and budget-wise. Choosing a location can also depend a lot on what’s special to you- you don’t have to jet-set across the world for the perfect location. Eloping in Patagonia would be dope, but sometimes your family’s backyard is what suits you best and that’s what really holds meaning for you- that’s what really matters at the end of the day. Here’s some tips to get you started if you aren’t sure:

1. What do you think of when you hear the word “elopement”? Maybe you think of some epic Instagram photos you’ve seen, or some place you’ve always wanted to visit. Maybe you still want to look at some inspiration on Pinterest or blogs to get more options.

2. Write down the places or things that you see and be as specific as you want- is there one specific spot you have in mind, or just a general vibe? Do you want mountains, a lake, the beach, or saguaros? Envision what your ideal place would be, whether real or imagined.

3. Now imagine saying your vows in these locations. Does it feel right? Who else is there? What season is it? What time of day?

4. Now let’s look at what’s actually possible. Do these locations work with your date? Do these work with your budget? Do you need easy accessibility? What other logistics do or don’t work? Even if this isn’t a real place, I can help you find something that comes close to what you’re imagining.

If you need recommendations, that’s what I’m here for! I’ve done a lot of traveling (within Colorado and beyond), and I’m happy to help you figure out where the heck you wanna go.

Think About What Traditions (If Any) You Want To Include

Did you know most wedding traditions we use in the US today were just created by the wedding industry to commercialize the event? Yeah, most wedding traditions don’t have a long or sentimental history to them, and a lot of them are actually really classist or sexist. So think about the traditions commonly associated with weddings, and really consider what you actually want to include in your day. It’s your elopement! You can customize it however you want, and no one can tell you otherwise. Here’s a few examples of things you can mix up:

  • A lot of people think the white wedding dress symbolizes the bride’s purity. It was actually popularized by Queen Victoria, because in the 1800s, the color white was considered to symbolize wealth- washing white was difficult back then, so if a woman wore a white dress, that meant you’d never wear it again and had money to buy a dress to wear for one day. So, while the tradition isn’t sexist, it is elitist in origin. So wear whatever the hell you want! Not everyone thinks they look good in white, and sometimes really bomb dresses come in loads of other colors, so you shouldn’t be restrained to white- you shouldn’t even be restrained to a dress, so wear whatever you want! That being said, it’s obviously not the 1800s anymore, and you’re not dunking on the poors by wearing a white dress, so there’s no reason to feel bad for it- so if you love a good white gown, then own that sh*t!

  • Veils have been used in various cultures and religions for various reasons throughout history, and sometimes it’s your thing, and sometimes it’s not. Recently, a lot of brides have decided to forgo veils, simply because there’s no real personal cultural relevance, and because they’d rather show off their hair. I love a good veil, personally, just because I like playing around with them for photos, but many folks don’t have an attachment to the tradition, so they just let it go. If you still want a little accessory, or a more unique option try looking for unique hair accessories from small shops and etsy, look through Jane Rhyan Veils, and explore different styles from the usual hair-comb white tulle.

  • This was a tradition that took place with some peasants back in the day, but it was never really widely practiced by any culture or region until it was commercialized in the early 1900s by the diamond industry. Another note: diamonds are a dime a dozen- they aren’t worth anything! The diamond market is completely fabricated. Diamonds can (and should) be made in a lab instead of being mined, so they are no longer in limited supply or difficult to extract. So don’t get diamonds that are still mined out of the earth, they aren’t any better quality, and it’s worse for the environment and exploits workers in underdeveloped countries.

    All that said- lots of people still do a ring exchange and wear their rings all the time, because the tradition itself has really solidified itself in weddings. If you’re looking for some alternatives or ways to make it a little more unique, here’s some ideas:

    Get a ring that’s really unique- if you don’t like the typical band with a solitary diamond in a few geometrical shapes, there’s lots of options from small metals artists on Etsy and elsewhere to find one-of-a-kind rings with unique gemstones, interesting shapes, cool textures and settings, and just general creativity that expensive jewelers just don’t offer.

    Use a different piece accessory- if rings aren’t your thing, you’ve got options. Lockets are a cute and timeless way to have a piece of jewelry that can hold something special (a picture, your vows, or something else small), you could opt for bracelets instead, earrings, hair accessories, bolo ties, cuff links, pins and brooches, or matching jackets! Don’t feel like you need to splurge on an expensive ring if that isn’t something that’s really special to you.

    Get a tattoo- if you’re more into a permanent piece of body decor, a tattoo is a great option, especially if you’ve got a job where jewelry isn’t an option. I’ve known lots of couples that get tattoos either in place of or in addition to rings, and it’s so fun to watch the process or see the final product.

  • Most people I know, especially people who elope, don’t use the traditional “in sickness and in health” vows anymore. This is another tradition that came along in post-war America in the early 1900s, so there isn’t any real meaning to what these words say. It can be much more meaningful and fun to write your own vows- that is, if you’re able to make it through the ceremony without being reduced to a puddle of tears. Some folks aren’t down with the idea that marriage is a forever thing, either. I’ve witnessed pagan ceremonies where they declare vows that are more temporary, like a “as long as we both want it” type of thing, instead of “as long as we both shall live”. If you’re making a promise to your partner, you should make sure that it really matches how you both feel and what you really mean, so whether you’re writing it all out yourself, using an officiant, or going the more traditional route, just make sure the words match how ya feel!

  • This tradition goes back to the days when marriage was a business exchange between a father and another man, and women were property to be sold with a dowry. This tradition is really dated, and honestly I rarely see it play out in elopements. There’s a bunch of alternatives to this tradition, though, if you want to include your dad or other family member in your elopement. For example, you could have both of your parents walk you down the aisle (or whatever set up you have for your elopement ceremony), you could walk yourself, you and your boo could just walk together, or you could incorporate some new tradition involving one or both of your parents.

  • If your family will be in attendance of your elopement, but you don’t want to go with the traditional partnering of bride/dad and groom/mom trope, then here are some other options:

    Don’t do family dances at all. It’s your day, and you can choose to just dance with your new spouse if you want, no one can stop you.

    Dance with both parents- why leave mom or dad out for no reason? Include them all!

    Dance with your new in-laws- if you’re close with your new in-laws, include them in your dance.

    Do a sibling dance instead- if y’all are close, make it a fun dance with brothers and sisters instead!

  • This was also a tradition popularized by Queen Victoria. White sugar was really expensive back in the day, so to have an entire cake of it was really lush, and showed what extravagant wealth she possessed. Today, however, sugar is dirt cheap. So eat what you want! If you love cake, then cut a cake. There’s so many desserts out there, so don’t feel like you have to limit yourself. Getting married in Florida? Cut a key lime pie! Does your grandma make amazing baklava? Eat it up! Do whatever makes sense for you.

 
 
 

That’s Pretty Much It!

Now that you’ve got the tools to get started, it’s time to plan for real

When you’re ready to take the next step, send me a message! I’m happy to help guide you through the process and answer any questions that might come up. If you want more info on eloping in specific locations, check out my Colorado elopement guide to get more specific information on the area. I’m so stoked to get to know ya and to witness whatever amazing ideas you come up with for your elopement.